It's been an incredible journey since being introduced to the HSP (Highly Sensitive Personality) trait and I'm positive it will continue to be so for a very long time. I've been learning so much about giving myself more grace to be myself and embracing strengths I had once thought of as weaknesses. A light is continually glowing brighter and brighter inside of me- as I read more, listen to podcasts, have conversations, and reflect on everything involving being an HSP. It's a kind of self-love I've never had for myself before.
Wanting to always remember this feeling led me to get a tattoo as a permanent reminder of the beauty of being an HSP. So I excitedly say, "Say hello to my little friend," and share some more of my HSP story. (Or if you just want to see more pictures of the tattoo process feel free to skip scroll down and then read!)
I have struggled deeply while figuring out who I am, what I stand for and believe in and just in general why I am the way I am. This path to discovery has been filled with so many overwhelming emotions of guilt, shame, loneliness, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, emotional breakdowns, and more. Some of this is due to not sharing feelings in my family and part of it is just my personality, but most I would say was simply a lack of knowledge that the HSP trait even existed.
Growing up where we didn't share feelings openly meant I never learned to develop a vocabulary to tell others how I felt. If it were anything besides happy, sad, or angry, I didn't know that feeling existed. So any time my emotions were something besides happy, sad, or angry, I just thought something was fundamentally wrong with me and that I needed to hide them. I spend so much time denying myself to feel my feelings, that it broke me... Which is another story for another day.
My world has opened up into a new dimension since starting to learn about the Highly Sensitive Person trait. It's evolved my path to include: grace, acceptance, gratitude, love, hope, along with all the others mentioned before. Talk about leveling out the playing field!
At 27 years old I'm now learning to effectively communicate my feelings and emotions. It is because of how thankful I am and how much learning about the HSP trait has allowed me to open myself up to others that I wanted a constant reminder of this new found joy and inner peace. So I started researching symbols and things that were attached to the word sensitive so I could start designing a tattoo.
For me a big part of my journey to embrace my HSP trait is to also acknowledge and change my mindset on how I viewed sensitivity. I constantly remind myself that being sensitive is a great thing, and Patricia Young says it best in her podcast about sensitivity being "our super power". I wanted a symbol for my sensitivity.
Obviously enough, typing "sensitivity symbols" into Google did little to help. I tried to be more specific by adding "celtic" to it, since that's my heritage, but then I realized I don't trust the internet enough to get a tattoo of a symbol based on their result findings alone. I was worried I would end up with something that really meant soup, like Penny from The Big Bang Theory.
So then I tried to dig a little deeper. I looked up being an HSP and animals that were considered sensitive along with plants. Things in nature that were just themselves, plain and simple.
In the end, it was the hedgehog and "shy plant" that I found to resonate the most with me. Traits of a hedgehog include: intuition,protection, and perception for starters (click for the full article here). It also helps that they're already adorable! The second thing I found that really stuck was the Mimosa pudica, otherwise known as the Sensitive Plant. When touched, the leaves of the plant will quickly fold into themselves as a defense mechanism. After leaving it alone for a few minutes, the leaves will slowly start to unfold themselves.
Both the hedgehog and the Sensitive Plant show that while quick to react and protect themselves, they are able to open themselves back up to the world after having time to consider and process it's environment. This is how I've come to understand having the HSP Trait. I am not an introvert wanting to be left alone nor an extrovert that always wants to be around people. I simply have to wait and see how much of myself I can give to others at different points of my day.
While I may seem closed off when you first meet me, once I feel comfortable or am given time I will open up and share myself with others. I have a tendency to lose myself to people I care very deeply for, which I didn't realize before. I've been in relationships where I connect so deeply and give myself to someone that I lose myself in the process. That is because I wasn't paying attention to giving myself space to recharge and center myself again. I was instead putting all my energy into being present for the other person. After time, that energy would be depleted and I would no longer have anything else to give to myself or the other person.
Which means along with learning more about my personality, I'm also learning ways to make time to recharge myself. Asking for time to recharge is like becoming my own advocate for saying I am worthy and deserve to be my best self. For myself and others.
I'm definitely NOT saying I have everything figured out now, but I do have a much clearer picture and path than ever before. Plus, I have my new spirit animal and plant to help me out!
I hope you've enjoyed and gained some insight (of me and yourself) from this post and I look forward to see what I write next. One of my hopes for this blog is that it will help move forward honest conversations about mental health so that others know they are not alone.
Feel free to email me at cydneelee16@gmail.com or message me on instagram @uniquelyyoume.
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